M

Differing

by Rachel Nix

 

The idea of us at length
seems dishonest.
We were meant for more,
you think/I think
less of our decisions,
& wonder why it is
we always overthought
everything. We fought
constantly; only to
rehash what we never
even meant. This is how
lies are mastered:
repetition of reasons
& excuses. In truth, I
could’ve never been what
you wanted/I wanted
to be nothing more than
a single night of regret.

 

Rachel Nix is an editor for cahoodaloodaling, Hobo Camp Review, and Screen Door Review. Her own work has appeared in Juke Joint, Pidgeonholes, and Sundog Lit, among others. She resides in Northwest Alabama, where pine trees outnumber people rather nicely, and can be followed at @rachelnix_poet on Twitter.

 

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What surprising, fascinating stuff can you tell us about the origin, drafting, and/or final version of “ Differing”?

There’s a lot of ‘I think’ that appears in arguments and conversations, largely as a reactionary response and always as a feeling or opinion. This poem came about when speaking wasn’t doing the trick in a situation with a friend who wanted our connection to evolve into something past platonics. The thinks became pointed and sharp when verbally spoken, which at times got confused as a sort of passion. For me, it sometimes caused regret in us knowing each other past our initial encounter—mostly from the guilt of lacking clarity, also for the hurt I never wanted to inflict. This was my attempt to unmuddle things with juxtaposing our positions while also owning my own fault in the confusions.

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