Audiology

by Stephanie Yu

 

Welcome to your audiology exam. This exam is meant to test your hearing and evaluate your perceived hearing loss. The evaluation is automated and this is a recording. Countless other subjects have heard the same recording you are hearing now; many have gone on to obtain full hearing function. While hearing loss is subjective, it must be evaluated as objectively as possible by the taking of accurate measurements. You are in a soundproof box that has been padded to maximize acoustics and ensure precision. There is no need to be afraid.

The examination is about to begin. We are administering a pure tone threshold simulation. During this portion, you will be asked to listen to a series of artificial frequencies. The purpose of this simulation is to determine the absolute lowest volume at which you can register sound. Do not be alarmed if, when reaching for the deepest pitches, you begin to hear phantom words or low whispers. That is a natural consequence of being in the deprivation chamber. Do your best to discern true sounds from false. Pay no mind to other voices you may or may not hear, even if they manifest as your own, that of a loved one, or in the timbre of this very recording.

The tympanometry is commencing. This will test the auditory soundness of the middle ear. Tympanogram tracings are classified as type A (normal), type B (abnormal), and type C (indicative of pathology). The proctor will now guide the mechanism that will administer the hammer into your ear. Do not fidget. Calmly observe, instead, the mirrored wall before you. To maintain your alignment, imagine the proctor staring, with that ghoulish grin, at your reflection from behind the mirror upon which you gaze. Imagine, in fact, the mirror image of your mirror image; his or her yellow eyes matching yours, his or her terrible mouth meeting yours, his or her damaged ears aligned perfectly with yours. As if his or her deranged face is pressed against the mirror through which you cannot see, so hungry to meet you.

We are almost at the end. The proctor is impatient for this to be over. The final test will evaluate your ability to process human speech, often considered the most valued function of audiology. The recording will read a sentence that ends with a single syllable word. Repeat the last word of each sentence clearly and without hesitation.

Say the word blue.
Say the word white.
Say the word black.
Say the word horse.
Say the word chime.
Say the word scarf.
Say the word grass.
Say the word blood.
Say the word lost.
Say the word loss.
Say the word fear.
Say the word flesh.
Say the word dread.
Say the word dead.
Say the word debt.
Say the word deft.
Say the word deaf.
Say the word deaf.
Say the word deaf.
Say the word

 

Stephanie Yu is an attorney and writer. She lives in Los Angeles with her partner Nate. Her work has previously appeared or is forthcoming in carte blanche, Eclectica, and Gingerbread House. You can find her on Twitter at @stfu_stephanie.

 

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