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[Heaven]

by Sara Elkamel
 

Turns out, heaven is only the future
           just these bodies
becoming something else.
I’m not sure
           you’ll understand
I found no silver sheets of water.
No towers
of pink boxes carrying plastic babies.
           No white. None of it.
This morning
           I climbed black mountain
after black mountain.
Imagined a lover and had him
imagine me
           for an hour.
Maybe I could bury our bodies     in sugar,
have them wash up on the shore
           of the desert.

 

Sara Elkamel is a poet and journalist, living between Cairo, Egypt and New York City. She holds an M.A. in arts and culture journalism from Columbia University. Her writing has appeared in The Common, American Chordata, Jet Fuel Review, Winter Tangerine, Nimrod International Journal, Anomaly, The BreakBeat Poets Vol. 3: Halal If You Hear Me (Haymarket Books, 2019) and elsewhere.

 

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What surprising, fascinating stuff can you tell us about the origin, drafting, and/or final version of “[Heaven]”?

I started writing [Heaven] about an hour before sunset* on a small concrete patio outside my hut at a beach camp in Sinai, Egypt. It was late April, and I had just crossed the Red Sea from Jordan, where I was attending a film festival in Wadi Rum—an otherworldly desert valley furnished with red sand and massive sandstone mountains. What ideal writing conditions, right? Well, as I was two-thirds of the way through the draft—the sky almost completely sunless now—a friend and her two kids joined me outside the hut, and excitedly described the day’s excursion to a nearby five-star hotel (the antithesis of our modest, unostentatious camp). They squealed as they exhibited their new, gas station-bought sunglasses. Entertained as I was, I was also panicking: I usually need to finish a full draft in one sitting; otherwise, it becomes impenetrable once I return to it. Thinking my escape would go unnoticed in the raucous, I slipped into the hut and locked the thin door behind me. “SARA, SARA…” They weren’t done telling stories. I wrapped up the piece, but I knew that its last third was weaker than the rest. I will admit I was disappointed, mostly because I had very high hopes for [Heaven]. I had to edit it for a month to repair the damage that the unsolicited sunset show left. In the end, I got rid of that last third of it entirely.

*I may have started writing it way before then. While searching for this [Heaven], I stumbled upon another a piece titled “Heaven” that I had apparently drafted in June 2017. Though it is very different in form and—frankly—quality, I think it was actually trying to say the same thing. Some words both Heavens have in common are: imagine / plastic / boxes.

News

Check out the write-up of the journal in The Writer.

Matter Press recently released titles from Meg Boscov, Abby Frucht, Robert McBrearty, Tori Bond, Kathy Fish, and Christopher Allen. Click here.

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